Saturday, July 15, 2006
Thy Will Be Done...
I give myself to thy to do with me as thou wilt. I know no other way. Not knowing my future doesn't really sit well with me. I can't sleep at night any more.
I want to give up, but I don't know how. My father wouldn't have given up, and I don't know how. But fighting for me has never succeeded. I rented this place with no job, barely enough cash to get in the door, and a wing and a prayer. It was too soon, I know, but I had no other place to go; no other move. In this chess game of recovery from scratch, I botched to middle game.
And I’ve been considering bourbon as a friend. Play the tape forward and it only spells disaster.
See, I’ve gotten and lost four jobs since graduating from The House. I thought this last job at the pizza joint would be permanent, but the weather caused a big slow down in business, so I lost hours. It’s nothing I did, but still I feel like I’m spending more time looking for work than actually working.
I’m tired; I’m really tired. I don’t know if June N. is willing to store my property again; she just got rid of it. I have no other place to store it. But I know I’m going to have to live on the streets again until I can earn enough money to rent again, if anyone will allow me to rent again. I will now have a court ordered eviction on my record. No one will ever rent to me again.
No wonder I can’t sleep.