Saturday, June 30, 2007

I'm a fool

I see so many things when I’m inebriated. The clarity of sobriety allows me to explain things. What needs to be explained is no longer irrelevant. I no longer have no need to stay sober.

Or, I have to find a new reason to stay sober…I guess.

I can’t drink forever.

Without Wax,

Friday, June 08, 2007

New Sponser

I’ve made a choice that I will share work related stuff with this blog. I thought that by making a clear distension between AA and work I would be able to help AA people who read this blog, but I was wrong. Work is related to sobriety.

Yaco, my new sponsor understands me so much. In just one phone call he told me he drinks Jack Daniels, a drink that I’ve avoided because of how crazy it gets me. I called him out of total desperation. He called me out!

I’m at an impasse. I want to drink and I want to get sober. I need to get sober because of the work I need to do to open the new store, and what I need to do at the transition store. However, I need to drink because my muscles don’t work properly without alcohol. They do if I sober up after a few days, but… it takes a few days.

So, I’m going to try this. I have no reason to do this. June W. doesn’t love me any more, I’ve lost my crew at both stores, and I have no real boss. Yah, I want to drink about it.

But, I have Yaco. Today. If my muscles fail, I’ll let you know.

Without Wax,

Saturday, June 02, 2007

Memory is your Enemy

For someone who have made many mistakes in life, memory is your enemy. I just got off the phone with my ex-wife June W., who I still love and am glad to still have relationships with, but she doesn’t understand out history.

My memory of our relationship is in question. Her interpretations of my actions are in question. She is a master at manipulation: she will always turn any issue into her own favor.

I always thought that if I became sober that I could see through this. I did for a time, but it didn’t help out relationship. All it did was tell me that she could manipulate the facts of a situation to fit her needs faster than I could.

So, I became sober. I thought that the most wonderful woman in the world would respect that. In that respect, I thought maybe we could still have, you know, a relationship. Well, yah, I got laid, and I still talk to her over the phone. But no, she’s gone and I’ve lost her. Our time to be together has past. This is the way she feels and I don’t blame her.

But I was once married to a woman ten years my senior ten years ago.

Without Wax,