Monday, April 03, 2006

April’s Fool

With little warning, April brought with it a new owner for the Cuilinn House. Since my sponsor was also our manager, he ceased to be employed at that job. One would think this a good thing for Wax since it eliminates the conflict of interest obvious in my relationship with my sponsor. However, his hasty escape after the seven course meal I’d prepared for a dozen men was served without even indulging; you’d think I’d have a clue.

It wasn’t until after the meal, consisting of two pork loins, roasted potatoes smothered in gravy, green beans, garden salad, buttered rolls, pineapple chunks, and English toffee cookies; at our weekly house meeting, that the phone call came. The announcement from Tom S. read like a telegram: I just wanted to tell you that I’m no longer your manager; and I’m no longer your sponsor. No real explanation. Just the standard cop-out: “I don’t feel you’re working the program.” Yah, whatever pal.

I can’t say I didn’t see the writing on the wall. I’ve never been a sponsor before, so I haven’t read the rule book, but if there is one I’m sure it would have in it: Thou shall not hang up on your sponsee. If it doesn’t, common sense would dictate that your conscience would have a field day with you if it caused a relapse. Tom’s must be on vacation. For a man that spends thousands of minutes a month on his cell phone, you’d think he’d be a better communicator. Lately, he ended most of our phone conversations by hanging up in frustration. That makes me wonder how he ended the phone conversation prior to his only other sponsee's relapse?

He has been acting weird lately, even given the stress he’s been under. But I’m sure that doesn’t excuse his behavior as a sponsor. Anyway, he’s been recommending things I should work on that he states are in the Big Book, but are clearly not. For example, no sexual relationships in the first year of sobriety. Good advice, but not in the Big Book. And that you must be honest to everyone: employers, female relationships, etc. The Big Book says to be honest with yourself, the title of which is Alcoholics Anonymous. What can you expect from a sponsor with less than one year of sobriety: a highly recommended requirement.

In retrospect, I did not choose this sponsor. He may have chosen me. As a manager, he had a quota to make; beds to fill. He said early on that he gets more out of this relationship than I, but that Big Book quote’s been used to death. If he was honest about that, I can't see the reason for termination. Next time, I’ll choose my sponsor more carefully.

And since we’re being brutally honest, my sponsor reads this blog.

To you Tom S.: You are no longer welcomed here at my personal Internet space. Please loose it’s address and never disclose it to anyone.

Your April Fool,

Without Wax,


juanita said...

sorry wax. that was a shitty thing to happen to you. here if you need me.

sincerelysober said...

Thank you Juanita.

I don't even consider this a test by my Higher Power. It's just the normal crap that can happen to people in the program.

Thanks for understanding. It helps more than you know.

Without Wax,

Da Gal said...

Hello there - found you via alcoholic thoughts. IN January you were two months sober... sounds like you still are... way to go!

I think you are the first blog I found that is local - that is pretty exciting.

Anyway... just wanted to say hello.

I have been a sponsor many times over and it saddens me to read about what happened to you. I know that sponsor/sponsee relationships are @ staying sober and for me they are also @ learning how to have a healthy relationship. Unfortunately or maybe fortunately you learn that not everyone is ready or able to have healthy relationships yet.

I wish you the best and trust that you will find someone who has what you want and ask for it.

take care.