When a man falls in love with a woman, there is fiction involved. She thinks of him as a provider. He thinks of her has as a very small warm place to be.
When this falls apart, they start to lie.
This happened with June W. and I.
She was gorgeous. I had blue eyes. We thought, we had the fiction, that we could make it together forever.
The economy proved us wrong.
She thought that my knowledge of technology would save us. I drank it to death.
Then the lies start.
I lied about the drinking and she lied about her skills.
I know how to program computers, I just don’t know what she can do.
I know my skills. I don’t know her skills. And she doesn’t want anyone else to know them.
And because she is so stupid, she’ll never really know how much I really love her. And I’m so fucking tired of loving her. I’m tired of writing about her. I wish she didn’t exist.
When she meant a lot to me, she didn’t even really realize what that meant to me.
I don’t think she really has moral value to any man anymore. I hate to say it, but it must be true.
I hate to say it, but she's not as smart as I thought she was. I must be more stupid. And I wish I had never met June W., because I've never fallen so dangerously and deeply in love ever in my life.
-- Without Wax