Sunday, July 11, 2010

The Fiction

When a man falls in love with a woman, there is fiction involved. She thinks of him as a provider. He thinks of her has as a very small warm place to be.

When this falls apart, they start to lie.

This happened with June W. and I.

She was gorgeous. I had blue eyes. We thought, we had the fiction, that we could make it together forever.

The economy proved us wrong.

She thought that my knowledge of technology would save us. I drank it to death.

Then the lies start.

I lied about the drinking and she lied about her skills.

I know how to program computers, I just don’t know what she can do.

I know my skills. I don’t know her skills. And she doesn’t want anyone else to know them.

And because she is so stupid, she’ll never really know how much I really love her. And I’m so fucking tired of loving her. I’m tired of writing about her. I wish she didn’t exist.

When she meant a lot to me, she didn’t even really realize what that meant to me.

I don’t think she really has moral value to any man anymore. I hate to say it, but it must be true.

I hate to say it, but she's not as smart as I thought she was. I must be more stupid. And I wish I had never met June W., because I've never fallen so dangerously and deeply in love ever in my life.

-- Without Wax


Em said...

Thank you for visiting my blog...I hope that you can find peace and your own 'permanent' pink cloud :) it can be done. I was miserable, and I found the gift of desperation and the program of wonderful sponsor led me through the steps and my life changes each day as a result of working them

Have Myelin? said...

I disagree. My ex-husband left me unexpectedly for another woman. Although he was a good "provider" that was not the reason I was with him or why I married him.

We females are far more complicated than that. =)

sincerelysober said...

I'm not pigeon-holing all women. I'm talking specifically about June W.