Sunday, December 14, 2008
Work vs. Sobriety
Work vs. Sobriety
First off: I built this blog with the intent of showing how one man can stay sober. That was the original intent. Now I have realized that I should document my failed attempts, however drunk I am. I always wished that these posts would be sober, but from now on, they may not be. But, I will always let you know.
Currently, I’m drunk.
I have learned, from many sources, that I am what is called a “functional drunk”. No matter how many methods I’ve used to become sober, I cannot escape the fact that I want to get altered every once in a while.
I’ve found a good job. I can keep it or loose it based on my drinking. It doesn’t pay well, but I know it won’t falter in this economy.
This job is different from others in that I no longer have to pretend that I’m a ‘sober guy’. I don’t need to use the guise of AA for better or worse. It works both ways. If you stay sober, go to meetings, work the program, then no one knows that you really are an alcoholic. Once they know, all bets are off. Well, all bets are off. I have one of the most understanding supervisor that I’ve ever had. She’s seen me through detox and still kept me on. We are restructuring and I’m still there.
And I have drank at work even after all that. Slurred words on digital audio recording noticed my indecision. This hurts because some of the leads that train us notice my drunken nice. Is that a habit of chaos or what?
My sponsor, Stewart L., a very good guy, has been pushing me towards the 4th step. I’ve stolled. However, each and every resentment I’ve documented has caused me to stop any progress. And I don’t even know if taking the firth step is going to accomplish anything.
I still need to work.
I should not drink.
Reviewing all my past moral failures is not helping my current financial situation.
Photos were taken by me at the RedEye during "The Balcomy" performance.
I’m still held up in a hotel.